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2004-01-13 - 10:10 a.m. Nothing compares to you, even when you are slightly high and wanting to vomit. I am a stalker, she just doesn't realize it. Her pictures are strategically placed. I like when the people she used to know refer to her as Aspen. I like reminders of her. I want to be reminded of what I have been blessed with. Because it is a blessing and I will never be convinced otherwise. The substitutes I kill my endless time with are severely lacking in many aspects. I want her to come back to me. I haven't written here in forever and I know this post is totally lame but unless I get my thoughts on her out at least once a day I feel stunted and cannot process or report any other feelings or ideas. I did not let their words go by undefended. I wish I could prove it, but I didn't know at the time that I would have to so I didn't keep an accurate record. I wish now that I had. I'm decreasing my methadone dose by 1mg per day and I SWEAR I can feel the difference but I know that's ridiculous. I know my thinking is twisted. I've had one hand painted forever. I stopped wearing jewelry that isn't shared with her. I'm obsessed. I'm infatuated. I'm in love. I'm stopping now.
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